How Bikram yoga changed my life

Insomnia is a bitch. It's a bitch that I've wrestled with for the past 20 years. It comes and goes, but coupled with an anxiety disorder and I often find it hard to function as a contributing member of society.

My lack of sleep and anxiety levels have sky rocketed recently and I needed to do something to counter act the negative effect it was having on my happiness, productivity and general well being.

Me. In bed. Not asleep.

Everyone has a remedy for sleeplessness: a hot drink before bed time, rosemary on your pillow, exercising/drinking till you pass out; believe me, I have tried them all. (Thanks for suggesting 9 beers before bedtime, Mr Swinstead. I'll save that for the week before I enter rehab.)

At my worst I would resort to sleeping pills as the only sure way to avoid anight of restless sleep; tossing and turning, mentally mulling over all the negative aspects of my life and possible future. Anyone with half a brain will realise that that's a quick fix for an underlying problem that should be addressed – believe me popping pills before bed is no way to live your life.

A few summers ago I signed up for a 10-day unlimited bikram yoga pass. I was preparing for a trip to Ibiza and wanted to get bikini ready pronto (there may have been a boy involved). I remember how great it made me feel afterwards (the bikram yoga – not the boy, unfortunately) and i kept seeing various yoga ads and articles with their shopping list of benefits that I desperately needed in my life. What did I have to lose?

So I asked Mrs Google to find me a venue in my new home of Dubai. She came up with Club Stretch - eight minutes strut from my home, and coined the 'best bikram in Dubai.' #shutupandtakemymoney

I head to the venue super early as I remember the embarrassing incident that occurred in my first class in London

Rewind...

I'm rushing down Charlotte Street as I know some centres are Hitler-esque about lateness and won't let you in after the zen-ifying has commenced. I arrive and fling myself in what I think is the direction of the changing rooms. Unfortunately I ran, full tilt in to the men's changing room.

I look up...

...and take stock of 8 naked men stood around in the circle chatting to each other nonchalantly. I'm frozen like a deer in head lights. I've seen less balls on a pool table. Seriously, just balls everywhere!

I slink out; slowly turning beet red. I locate the female changing room (next door) and notice the stark difference on my entrance. All women facing the wall, changing in a discreet manner. No communal huddle sans clothes is erupting in the centre of the room. #iwillnevergetmen

Anyway, I manage to avoid a repeat of the balls incident at my new venue.

I change into my newly purchased yoga outfit and manage to juggle my necessities into the room. I seem to have a lot of necessities. The room is dark. I manage to find a space and quietly lay down my mat - slamming down your mat is considered uncouth, - dont you know?

I lay down on my back, palms up, legs out stretched and I try to empty my mind and centre my self. ..... except all I can think about are all the things I haven't done. Like the bikini designs that aren't finalised, the positive trip advisor reviews I promised random Italians - my ignorance of the current terror threat level of the UAE, how I should get the cut on my toe checked in case it's infected and needs amputating... JESUS! This chill out moment is stressful.....

The lights go up! Thank god! I can't take any more of this 'in my head' business.

I jump to my feet and try to look as 'centered' as possible.

For those of you that aren't familiar with bikram yoga, the class involves working your way through 26 poses in a studio heated to 40 degrees.

The 26 Bikram yoga poses

We start with a breathing exercise. I'm crap at this. It involves breathing in and raising your arms and exhaling but all of a sudden I forget how I normally breathe and am just waving my arms up and down and pretending to be getting something out of this. I'm not, as I am butchering the postures but I follow the class and fix a concentrated look on my face to masquerade as someone who knows what they are doing.

The class moves through the poses in unison as the teacher instructs and claps her hands. I used to be a dancer and a cheerleader so I consider myself a coordinated person. However, throw in strict breathing rhythms and a more than tepid room temperature and suddenly I'm struggling.

Bikram Yoga: The Camel

At last we finish with a breathing exercise designed to rid the body of any accumulated toxins. The lights go off and we lay on our backs. I'm exhausted. Done.

I stumble to the showers and manage to reach up to my locker and undo it before my arms collapse.

Shower. Home.

Day one over.

I made it seven days in a row.

I would have made more but I managed to sever my finger in an angry orange slicing incident which rendered me un-yoga-able. Laugh if you want. Yes, I was unable to attend because my little finger hurt. Well, bikram involves pulling on various parts of your body with your hands so – gaping wound, sore = big ouchy. Need I say more.

I had a plaster on my pinky for days. It was very dramatic.

Commitment

I'm now on my 20^th day of yoga and and I'm feeling pretty smuggy pants. I can't remember the last time I committed to anything I was so terrible at to begin with. Normally I just quit, bow out and try and find something 'more my thing'. I guess I'm weak, and just can't bear to feel like a failure.

Even after just 10 classes I was noticing a significant change in my body. I wasn't really tracking my progress that meticulously but I noticed I was now able to lay flat on my back in bed for the first time in my life. This may not sound like a big deal but I've always struggled with that. I always felt like my hips needed to tilt upwards. This made sit ups impossible as I was always rocking on my tail bone. I always secretly wondered if I was one of those weird children born with a tail. (But how cool would a tail? Think of the mischief you could have poking and prodding people...)

Sorry. Less tail talk, more yoga...

Increased flexibility

I realised the extent of my progress when I was wondering around my room tidying clothes, sketches and samples I'd strewn over my floor. I realised I was able to touch my toes! No wait: the floor! Some people are naturally able to do this but I was a dancer for 8 years, a gymnast for 3 and I've still never been able to touch my toes – let alone the floor. The splits: yes, walk overs: yes. But never this.

When I excitably told a friend about my new found bikram hobby; he sneered: 'Every day? Wow, you must have a lot of time on your hands...'

I believe no one is ever 'too busy' for anything. It all depends on what you prioritise at the given time.

I consider my health and well being paramount. I believe the most important thing you will ever own is your body. If you have your health: the world is your oyster.

Increased my mental focus

I'm in the early stages of launching my first company here in Dubai – a luxury swimwear brand with designs I have created myself. Some days I wake up in a state of panic - a panic that won't relent all day - no matter what I do. Along with knocking me out at the end of the day I'm also finding that bikram is helping to knock out my panic. Turns out all that breathing malarky actually works. You know, when you remember how to breathe and do it properly.

It's debilitating and not something I am prepared to surrender to. I've over come worse. This is just another obstacle I have to deal with in order to get to where I want to be.

Those 90 bikram minutes force me to centre my mind and push myself physically to execute the poses. Without this focus you have no hope of holding some of the more intricate poses. You literally have to empty your head of any negative thoughts or you will end up falling over, face down, nose deep in a towel marinated in your own bodily fluids. Not cute right?

I choose to dedicate this blog to things I feel passionate about. I love fine food, good times and fun experiences with my new Dubai family. My blog posts may look scatter dash but I only spend time writing about things that move me.

After 10 sessions I've noticed

• my posture has improved: I'm walking taller!
• my back no longer hurts when I wake up
• my cute baby abs starting to return
• a sense of accomplishment

The last one makes a major difference in my day to day happiness.

You may not identify with this sentiment if you have a 9-5 job. As a self-employed person working on a project of which I wont see any physical evidence for a few months, that last attribute rarely occurs in my day.

I have good days and bad days but I see a tiny bit of progress in every session I do. I feel calmer after completing the class and significantly more positive about the challenges ahead. My sleep is still so disjointed but I plan on keeping bikram as part of my weekly routine and I can't wait to see what other positive outcomes it will bring to my life.

Namaste 

EHH

xxx