REVIEW: New York's 'Provocateur', best new club in Dubai? ...(spoiler: there are bears involved. Bad bears)

This year was my first Dubai Christmas; and my first sunshine Christmas ever. Having spent the last 20 something years celebrating in the UK I was excited to experience the festive cheer whilst in my Havaiana's. I hate winter, so I secretly sniggered at my friend's facebook posts complaining about the UK weather, the Oxford Street traffic and the queues in Selfridges. I smiled with glee at the stunning, glittering Christmas tree standing proudly on JBR beach, encircled by massive teddy bears and presents that were reminiscent of the nutcracker ballet set. 

Christmas at The Beach

Miss B was flying home to England that evening so wanted soak up some last rays of sunshine - we head to the beach. We immediately run into our good friend Mr G. Now, Mr G has been MIA for months after securing an important promotion which has seen him circling the globe like a Tasmanian devil on speed. A self imposed 'NO PARTY!' regime sees him kicking back with a glass of H20. The gaggle of beauties he is with are already on the shots. I applaud him for his self control - even after a 20 minute musing leaves him with the revelation that, no, he will not have a beer. #morewillpowerthaniwilleverhave

Sunset

We enjoy the sun while the ladies debate which club to hit. I'm not keen for a big night out so as we wave good bye to Miss B as she heads to DXB International I float the idea of some food to Mr G. He concurs and we make tracks.

I'm craving pizza and Malbec so I drag Mr G to my favourite pizza stop, Amraj Rotana in JBR for some al fresco dining and a civilised end to the evening. (Oh so we thought)

I don't even look at the menu as I already know what I want.

We drank

Malbec (Me)

Something with no alcoholic content (Mr G)

We ate: 
Suckling pig pizza with carbonara base and fresh rosemary (Me)
Fresh tomato sauce, mozerella cheese, hot spinata salami and peppers pizza (Mr G)

Suckling Pig Pizza

My pizza is divine, and a treat as pork is a rarity in Dubai

My phone bleeps.

It's Mr T - "Provocateur, the New York club, has just opened. Best new club in Dubai. Let's go!"

Mr T knows all the best venues and is always at the best table. So for him to coin it the best club to hit Dubai, makes me sit up and (momentarily) relinquish my Malbec – suddenly an early night with my teddy bear doesn't seem quite as appealing... 

I'm about to turn to Mr G and convince him he has earned a night out, but all I see is dust as he quickly orders a vodka and coke with the Italian waitress. I guess it's on tonight...

We get our remaining pizza to go (nothing beats hungover breakfast pizza) and haul ass home, to do a quick clothes change. 

We arrive at Mr T's for pre-drinks. 

Balcony. Check.

Drinks. Check.

With a sweet pre-christmas buzz on, we head to the Four Seasons Hotel to experience Provocateur.

Provocateur Dubai

My first thoughts.... the name 'Provocateur'? I haven't seen any venues offering anything remotely provocative in Dubai - besides inside my changing room when I'm shopping at AP. Having come straight from London where live sex shows barely raise an eyelid. (Mother when you read this, all this info was gathered second hand in the name of research. I swear.) I'm curious as to how this place will live up to its name.

I swear that if there are girls in leotards, grinding on podiums with that 'dead between the eyes' look - I'm leaving.......

I need not have worried......

Provocateur Dubai

The stats on the club state the “7,000sq ft clubbing space"  will boast the “latest vertical speaker design”, an LED digital strip that is “almost” a kilometre long encircling the room, as well as “signature Provocateur elements including European dollhouse imagery” and a “design [that] totally radiates glamour and sophistication”.

I have no idea what half of that means but the venue is hot, intimate and sleek. DJ Dixon sounds flawless through the vertical speakers and you are still able to enjoy the venue without the need for sign language to communicate with your nearby party pal. #pachatakenote 

Provocateur Dubai

Oh yeah... and they have bears on the walls. Bad bears. My teddy bear may be jelous right now but I couldn't resist a snap with this furry cutey....

Quick Disco Nap

I head to the VIP area behind the DJ booth which is elevated and gives you a prominent view of the action. I dance and drink with Dubai's finest (well those who haven't flown the dessert for christmas.) This place is great fun. I don't care much for clubs, preferring more intimate venues where I can converse with my friends. Provocateur manages to fuse both of these concept - with an interior unique to a venue in Dubai.

There's no cliche provocative decorations or themed entertainment, which is good. Let's be honest, whats the point? - nothing of note would fly here in Dubai. The clientele is well dressed, professional and slightly older than those that frequent the British branded clubs. aka on point. 

As a JBR girl I am always hesitant to accept any invite that means venturing out of my marina neighbourhood…. but this was well worth the trip to the dark side. Those Dubai-ites wishing to celebrate without the need for a view of the explosive pyrotechnic devices illuminating the skyline of the Burj Khalifa/Al Arab should consider Provocateur. You can stream both firework displays live on youtube #fyi

EHH 

xxx

Location: Four Seasons Resort Dubai , Jumeriah Road
Website: http://www.provocateurdubai.com/
Facebook: Provocateur Dubai
Instagram: @provocateur_dubai